It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
