I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
