Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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