Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
