You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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