I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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