I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
