You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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