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...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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