when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
