She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
