It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
