I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
