Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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