Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
