So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
