Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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