If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
