He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
