I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
