i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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