i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
