seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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