i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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