also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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