Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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