bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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