we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
