my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
