she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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