Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
