This dress was meant to end up on your floor
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
