She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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