Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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