We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
