Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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