Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
one two three fourrrrnication!
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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