I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
