I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
