you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
