The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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