i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
