i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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