My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
