I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My ass is underappreciated
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
