Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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