He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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