i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
