His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just googled if crying burns calories
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
