I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
