Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
is it fun? or sober?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
