from now on my penis is your penis
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
