dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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