I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
